This is an open letter to all videogame publishers. You see, I need your help. I've been having trouble lately formulating opinions and analyses of your products, and my reviews are suffering from a terrible case of truth and original thought.
Unfortunately, the other videogame websites I used to "borrow" my review scores and ideas from are apparently being frequented and subsequntly regurgitated by a plethora of other online publications. Rather than following the trend, and becoming a needle in a stack of needles, I have decided to seek an alternative method of producing my reviews.

I'm going straight to the source.
Publishers, please tell me how to review your games. Tell me not only what features, gameplay modes, options and the like are included (because I have trouble locating all of those things when navigating the games' menu screens), but also tell me how the game should be played and how to critique it. Heck, why not just send me a range of about ten percentage points in which my final review score should fall?
That would be incredibly helpful to me. All of that information could be bundled together in what would be called a "reviewer's guide" or something to that effect. I could certainly use a neat little guide to reviewing your games - a library of handbooks, specific to each and every one.
Also, it would be great if you would directly contact me after my reviews have been published, just in case you feel I've missed anything. We can always discuss things, and maybe you can even help to make my reviews BETTER! Then we'll both be happier. :-)
We really need to communicate, because until that happens, all you're going to get is my 100% honest, unbiased opinion and analysis - and you may not always like that.
-Eddie
/sarcasm (in case you didn't notice)
Brendon Lindsey
Updated May 6th, 2008
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I was wondering why you kept asking me if it was okay to give Aqua Teen an 11/10...