GamerNode: Columns - Onward, to Glory

Onward, to Glory

You'd think RTS titles would have such a wealth of epic storylines. There are huge armies, forts, even villages and cities, not to mention heroes of the land, huge monsters, aliens and other such antagonists. Yet, whenever it actually comes to it, there's not really that many titles you can name that have narratives that really stick in that genre.

StarCraft and WarCraft are still, hands-down, the best examples of telling a story and keeping it interesting, even while you're waiting for a Protoss Reaver to finish building, or watching Orc peons chopping wood.

Three races will always compete in the "Craft" universes, and they'll always be along the same lines, interestingly enough. Elves and Protoss will always hold the position of lofty, intelligent, near-immortal wispy little men and women who are intent on patronising the lesser races. Humans, Terrans, even Orcs, are those stubborn, over-courageous honour-nuts who are intent on showing the world that things aren't easy, when you're green, and even harder if you're pink.

But my personal favourite would be the "hordes" races, of whom you can find in any RTS you could name that's hit high sales, bar the obvious Total War franchise. Tyranids, the Scourge, and the infamous Zerg are utterly horrifying, for their sheer willingness to throw thousands of themselves at a wall of turrets for hours, simply to slowly work their way into the enemy base. The mindless devotion of it all is horrifying; that loss of self-preservation that we, as humans, value so much.

I'm not saying anyone's selfish, by any means, but no-one's ever going to be that keen on throwing themselves into a hail of enemy gunfire if they could simply sit and chew grass instead. I wonder what the Zerg were like, before they assimilated the characteristics of millions of races. Who knows, it could have been bird flu run amok.

Sadly, there's not much of a story to be had, when it comes to mindless monsters in huge numbers, unless you're going to stick a cold, super-intelligent being at the top of the food chain to control the mindless hordes. Meet Arthas, the OverMind, and of course, Games Workshop's infamous Hive Mind. The big, usually immobile creature who'll be somewhere very well protected, dishing out orders with a slight hiss of the tongue and glint of the inhuman eye.

But so many hordes, says you! Where are our armies, our noble warriors, to fend off these terrible monstrosities? Well, the answer is, that's usually up to you. Sometimes I wonder if the Terrans ever wonder why they bother landing their bases on the ground if they could just float them around all day. All you'd need would be some ropes and marines that don't suffer from vertigo and you'd be set.

Four hundred and sixty three words in, and you're probably wondering where I'm going with this. My point is simply that armies are full of stupid, stupid people. Can you name a single Orc peon that hasn't once gone "right, I'm sick of this, nuts to you and your castle, I'm off to go make friends with the Night Elves"? Or how about a heroic knight who's suddenly decided that, as noble and honourable as using a lance would be, maybe a gun would have a slightly better effect against three hundred zombies?

• (0)
• 
• 
• 
•