Here are some games that you will never see produced. The idea for this came a little while ago when it was announced that there would be a Raiders of the Lost Ark Lego game.
Some of us were tossing around ideas about what sort of future series we’d like to see done in Legos. Several weeks later this germ of an idea fertilized (or fermented) into what you see now.
What better game to translate into a Lego video game then Gears of War? Imagine the sheer joy of being able to join your buddies in a virtual chunk fest while blowing up Lego Locusts and humans. Man, that’s what I call fun. Experience the thrill of curb stomping a hapless victim into teensy little pieces of red, yellow, blue, white, green and black shards.
Imagine this game never being developed…
Most of us are familiar with the Katamari series. Basically the game is about rolling a gigantic ball that basically has anything and everything stick to it. But hey, how about a game starring Jack Thompson? Gamers roll him into piles of doggie poo, pig manure and all sorts of fun stuff like that. And if you get tired of doing that after a while, you could just roll him off a cliff.
The game takes place in an underwater health fitness center called "Rupture." This utopian weight-loss center is put together by fitness guru Richard Simmons. But something goes horribly wrong when a genetic experiment on human weight loss produces creatures that gorge themselves on junk food. The boss monster, Big Fat Daddy, tries to squirt catsup on you because he thinks you’re a walking French fry.
With all the pressure from Jack Thompson, politicians and children’s activist groups, maybe Rockstar will finally buckle under the strain and start producing kid’s versions of their games. So instead of hacking, slashing, decapitations and blowing the stuffing out of people in Manhunt 2, kids could play hide-and-seek and chase after the bad guys and tag them with little bunny tails! I’d buy that for a dollar.
So what would happen if Nintendo bought out Take Two and decided to redo all their titles? Well, the above is a sample of what I think they would do to Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. How about GTA: Nice City? In the game, Wario has just come back as a counselor for summer camp. He is uncertain about returning to Licorice City – will Mario and Princess Peach still play dodge ball with him? Will Yoshi still kart race with him? This and other burning questions would have been answered if this game ever was released.
So there you have it. Maybe if there’s enough demand, (or groans) out there, I just may make a few more to torture you with.
Special thanks to Jesse Wingert who used his creative artistic skills to make my images look even better than before.
